Ten years ago, I sat in a court room for the very first time in my life, looking across the way I saw my mom. She was bound to chains, so many chains, her head was down and she looked defeated, lifeless, hopeless. I cried the ugly cry where snot drips down and your face muscles ache because they are making faces you’d never felt before. It was like my whole face was sobbing and mourning with my heart, I’ve never felt such an overwhelming grief. I watched her walk away that day, all I could hear was the clanking of the chains. Click clack click clack. It haunts me still. It was like she was walking to death row, and in a way she was. Mom as I knew her died that day. She was physically there, but everything was gone.
Sin does that. Sin is like a giant gift from the devil, he wraps it in beautiful wrapping paper and puts a pretty little bow on it, we get so eager to open it and see the beauty inside. Then we open it, and to our surprise, it’s empty. So we hop in the box to look for our grand prize and suddenly the gift box closes with us in it and what we thought was a gift, is our personal prison. We get confined behind the four walls and find ourselves trapped. Sin binds us, tortures us and eventually kills us and in a way it kills those who love us too. Just as we bend so hard we break…in comes Jesus. The chain breaker.
Sin breaks us,
but Jesus breaks the chains.
The chains that hold us so tightly, he shatters them like glass and sets us free.
My mom is still in prison, but she is free. She is free from anything that had a hold on her, she is free from the pleasures of the world that entangle us, free from the dependence on a spouse or anyone other than the Lord. Free from worry of what others think or say. She relies on the Lord and is closer to him than ever before. Sometimes our breaking point becomes the moment where the chains are breaking. The lowest of lows can bring you back to the Lord on high.
She may be confined by the walls of Prison but she walks in the truth and the truth has set her free. She walks in the light and her light surpasses the prison walls.
I’ve seen her come alive, she’s more alive than she’s ever been. She helps everyone she meets and is a safe place and mentor to women who never had anyone love them. She loves the unlovable. She looks past peoples failures and crimes they have committed and chooses to love them and show them who Jesus is. I’ve seen her bloom and grow and it’s a beautiful thing. God worked on her character instead of her comfort #rickwarrenism
Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to be separated from her right now. Somedays it’s unbearable. But I have the joy and hope of eternal life with her one day where nothing can separate us.
Finding your purpose doesn’t mean life will be free of hardships, but it makes your life meaningful. You can have an easy life and lack meaning. I don’t want that. I want to leave Gods legacy and I want his handprint on my life even if that means I need to be refined in the fire. When you draw near the Lord during the fire, He makes you better, not bitter. #rickwarrenism (I wouldn’t quote him so much if he didn’t have such great sayings!)
P.S. Father in heaven, let it be your will for my mom to come home. Break the physical chains that bind her. Let her do these great works on the other side of the walls. You have changed her heart, now please change her circumstances. Let her shine her light into the whole world. Amen.
If you want to see a list of all the programs my mom has done since being in Prison (about ten years) look below.