Everyone loves to see a couple in love, so here’s my guidelines for how to have a kick ass marriage. We get asked all the time, “what’s your secret to a happy marriage?” Not to be boastful in any way, but we do have a pretty kick ass marriage. My husband and I are pretty undeniably in love and it’s because we work at our marriage and we deeply care about how the other person feels. We even have strangers come up to us when we’re on dates and say things like, “Wow, you guys are so in love, we love to see that.” We’ve had waiters give us free desserts because they thought we were so cute. Love is contagious. One of my favorite things to ask cute couples is, “What is your best marriage advice?” Everyone answers differently and I love to learn from other people’e experiences. I recently asked this question on my Facebook page and I loved all the answers, so once I share my own marriage advice, I will share everyone else’s below! Please add your own advice in the comments as well.
We don’t keep secrets, we don’t text/call the opposite sex without sharing it with each other: we have very strict boundaries not because we don’t trust each other, but more so, to protect our marriage and our spouse from even needing to wonder or worry about anything. We listen to each others needs. We both WANT a good marriage so we are willing to work for it. Plus, he’s really hot and I can’t lie, that helps with the passion.
My best marriage advice is quite simple:
- Always keep God in the center of your marriage. When I know my husband is turning to God first, I trust him in a new way because I know he will make good choices if God is leading him. We can both tell when the other one is getting relaxed in our relationship with God: we have less patience, we stress out more, we get moody perhaps. We keep each other grounded and ask, “Hey, have you been praying about this?” or “How was your morning devotional?” It’s so helpful to keep each other accountable.
- Have sex often and make it fun. Don’t just have sex for the sake of getting it done. Make it fun, new, exciting and sexy. Keep your partner on their toes (or their back haha). Keep the spark alive and appreciate each other. Be generous during sex. Sex isn’t just physical, it’s emotional. It’s a connection. It’s sacred, and it’s personal. It shows trust in one another because we are vulnerable when we are naked. So explore each other, respect each other, connect with one another. People who don’t have sex, usually don’t communicate well either. Sex is communication, it’s a way for our bodies to talk to one another and share an unspoken language that is exchanged only between the two of you; everyone else is a foreigner in your secret language.
- Don’t take yourself to seriously. Sometimes life get’s super busy, chaotic, stressful etc. We let the seriousness of life take over and the fun slowly slips away. When you feel like things are heavy and weighed down…it’s a sign that you and your spouse need to GO HAVE FUN. Laugh at each others jokes, do something light and silly. Don’t let arguments, stressors, work, kids or any other issues stop you from being young and fun. When you’re in a rut-you need to laugh. Whatever makes you laugh together: maybe a movie, go to the improv, go goofy golfing, walk on the beach, dance together, etc. If you’re ever in an argument, think of these two things:
- Will this matter in five years? Is this really just me being prideful or wanting to be right or is it a real issue?
- Are either of us tired or hungry? I swear most all disagreements could be avoided if we are well fed and well slept. This goes for children too!
- ALWAYS remember why you fell in love. So often, people forget what they loved about each other in the first place. OR, the things that bug them the most about each other are the very things they used to love. For example, the guy who is super funny and the woman loved that about him, years later she stopped laughing at his jokes and gets annoyed. Or the girl who is carefree and wild and the man loved that, but now he see’s her as wasting time or not organized enough. I think when you first are together you celebrate the unique differences you have. But over time, you start wanting the person to be more like yourself and less like themselves. THIS IS A TRAP! If you were to successfully turn that person into yourself, which you can’t, but let’s just pretend you could….they would bug the crap out of you! You already live with yourself, who needs two of themselves?! So I think the main key in marriage is to love each others differences, learn from them and grow from them. Sean has taught me to be a little more organized, a little more logical than I used to be and I have taught him to get out of his head from time to time and not think too much, to just have fun. Together we compliment each other. We don’t change each other, we accept that we are different but we enjoy the differences and share each others unique qualities from time to time. Its blissful.
-A last little bit of advice is, don’t be afraid to argue in front of your kids. A lot of people say not to, but I disagree. If you fight fair (no yelling and name calling or threats) then it’s ok to have a disagreement and show your kids that even adults don’t always agree, but they do always resolve it. I know people who’s parents never fought in front of them and they have a hard time with conflict. On the other hand, my parents fought, yelled, called the cops and crazy stuff like that so I am not encouraging that. I am suggesting that you learn how to fight fair, learn how to communicate properly even when you are upset, we ask our kids to do the same thing so why can’t we!?
So there is my best advice! Share yours in the comments and here are some things that others shared on my post:
-Really listening to one another. Considering the other more important than yourself.-Ashley
-Treat the other as the most important person in the world. The only person that you should ever treat better than your spouse is yourself.-Jess
-Communication is number 1 -Lynn
-Say YES 99% of the time! Be KIND ALL of the time. Go ALL the places. Eat ALL the things. Try it ALL the things.
Hand in hand is our favorite place to b-Devon
-Trade your expectations in for appreciation… “Tony Robins” and If you need to have difficult conversations (inevitably) or feel the need to be critical to your spouse then you must get naked first. Remember “A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.” -Ryan
-Love is a choice, we choose daily to humble ourselves and consider our spouse more important, seek to understand before being understood, give grace and be willing to make sacrifices (with joy not resentment).
*Fall in love with each other everyday and never stop dating.
*Tough seasons are temporary and usually grow you in ways you could never imagine, if you allow it to refine you not define you as a couple. -Rebecca
Choose to love your spouse everyday, even when they’re unlovable. -Britt
-Find out what makes your spouse feel loved. Do those things as much as possible.
Never be angry at the same time. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Hold hands. Make each other laugh. Be playful. Remember that sometimes plan B is more fun than plan A. Love each other. Remember that you should be on the same team, not on different sides of the net. Compromise. Never belittle your spouse. Treat your significant other with kindness, love and patience. Be faithful to each other in thought, word and deed. Go on dates together. Say kind things to each other. Think kind things about each other. Understand that sometimes life is incredibly challenging but you will get through it. It will pass. Be each other’s cheerleader! Be thankful for your spouse! -Kim
-Regular date nights and at least once or twice a year a getaway without the kids very needed to rejuvenate and reconnect without the kids -Angelene
-Look at each other when having a conversation, be attentive and husbands keep nodding your head and say “yes love, I agree with you babe, whatever you say lover” -Mel
-Never miss an opportunity to tell each other how much you love them and what you appreciate about each other. Could be a little love note you have snuck out and left in the car to find on a Average Monday morning. -Linda
-Marriage is not 50/50. Each must try to put in 100% in all that you do as a couple because when one can’t put in the other makes up for whatever is missing and more. Also never to go sleep upset solve and discuss what you can each day like it’s the last. -Ken
-Pray often together and pray for one another. Never speak ill of your spouse to others. Date your spouse. Always choose love and kindness “Choose your love and love your choice” -Brittany
-Hmmm I’d have to have trust And never keep secrets!! Compromise and always say sorry -Randi
-Make out like high schoolers. Put your ego away in an argument. Don’t use cuss words in an argument (we made this rule when we met and I love that we did) Pray together. Remember it’s WE not I when you speak and your actions will follow. Date nights with no cell phones. My spouse comes before my friends and before any family. -Zee
-Happy Wife, Happy Life -Juliet