I have never ‘felt’ beautiful. I never thought I was hideous, but I’ve also never looked in the mirror first thing in the morning and thought, “wow she’s beautiful.” Sure, there are days when I feel like I look better than others and some days I try more by doing my hair and makeup, but I have always wanted the ultimate beauty makeover.
Don’t get me wrong, I love who I am…I’m just saying I was never the school beauty queen, you know, the Brooke Carol’s and Katrina Weber’s of the world (if you went to high school with me, you’d know who I’m talking about!) We all know them…the girls you look at and wonder if they’ve ever had an ugly day. They walk in the room and everyone stares. They are so undeniably pretty that you almost don’t believe they are real. They must have some rare genetic thing that no one else gets.
Yes, I did modeling for a little bit, so people think I must feel pretty. But the truth is, modeling made me more insecure. I was surrounded by girls who were flawless and always compared myself to them. Modeling made me feel anything but pretty. I felt like I could never measure up. And don’t get me started on the body image issues. Growing up, my brother was the good looking, cool, “good at everything” guy and I was always the “sweet little sister.” The “nice one.” I didn’t have an athletic bone in my body, I had no musical talents or things I excelled at…I was the nice one.
As I am getting older, I’m finding beauty takes on a new definition.
Beauty is no longer the girl who is the most done up and has flawless features. Beauty is no longer the one who was born with great skin and has the perfect body. Beauty is much more than that, beauty is found in a mother comforting her hurting child, a joyful smile on a cloudy day. A friend who shows up when everyone else leaves, someone who helps another in need, a heart that compliments others more than it yearns to be complimented, someone who supports and encourages those they love, someone who forgives when it’s hard, who loves the unlovely, someone who gives willingly, who laughs freely, someone who is humble and kind, a gentle spirit, or a wild and free heart.
I find that beauty comes from a heart that shines through your skin and pours out of your eyes.
A compliment of outward beauty is great, but it’s fleeting. It makes you feel good in that moment, just like outward beauty may only last a moment. It’s not as real as a compliment of inward character. It takes 30 minutes to get ready and beautify yourself on the outside. But it may take 30 years to achieve inward beauty. It takes wisdom, experience and hard work to get a beautiful heart. That’s the beauty that lasts, and it’s shared with those around you, it’s also the beauty that deserves acknowledgement. God is responsible for our outward looks, he made our outside shells we walk around in, but it’s our job to refine our heart and call on Him to transform us from the inside out. That’s the beauty worth noting, worth doting on, worth appreciating.
My kids are all drop dead gorgeous (I May be biased!) but really, people stop us all the time to tell my kids how gorgeous they are. And every time someone stops us, I make it a point to say, “hey Brynn, what’s the most beautiful thing a girl can wear?” And she says excitedly , “a smile!!” Although she was gifted with outward beauty…I want her to find her value in her beautiful heart, not her flawless face.
It’s a journey we are all on, this searching. Searching for approval. Searching for acceptance or notoriety. God made our hearts to yearn, the problem is we yearn for worldly things. We look all around us and sometimes we forget that all we need to do it look up. Look up at the one who created us on purpose, for a purpose. The truth is, we yearn for worldly titles but once we get them, they won’t fulfill us either and we will want even bigger eventually. We can want and want all our lives but it’s never enough, until we find what we yearned for the whole time…what we really wanted was God. And no fancy clothes, nice home, vacation, worldly beauty will ever be big enough or hold enough weight to fill the God shaped hole in our hearts.
So while I may not win America’s Got Talent with my singing skills, and I don’t have the latest and greatest of everything, and I won’t be Miss America for my looks…God made me to be the wife my husband needs, the mom my kids need and my favorite title of all is A Child of God. All the approval in the world can’t compare to that title.
I pray right now over all the girls reading this, especially young girls who face the pressures of social media and a world that’s so focused on the outward shell. I pray that you seek to make your heart beautiful. I pray that you define yourself by who you are and not what you look like today. I pray that God fills your heart with love, kindness, and appreciation. I pray that you can acknowledge beauty in others without comparing yourself to them. I pray that you put the work in to have good character, and that you feel beautiful from within. I pray that your confidence comes from the Lord, knowing that He doesn’t make mistakes, He made you wonderfully. I pray that you see yourself how God sees you. I pray that you will have the ultimate beauty makeover, which is a makeover of your heart and soul.