How did you know He was “The One”?
One of my friends who is dating asked me, “How did you know He was The One?” This question got me thinking. The one…how did I know it was Sean? Let me start by saying, I think you can make it work with anyone, I don’t necessarily think there is only one person for everyone. I think if you work at a marriage you can make it great despite your complete compatibility. But, I do believe there are bad options, better options and the best option for each person. I would say, Sean was my best match. I don’t feel like we have to work at our marriage a whole lot. I mean, we put time and effort in and talk about things but it doesn’t feel like hard work, it feels natural. So here is how I knew he was my best, my one, my person….
1. He loves ALL of me and I love ALL of him.
Que the music…alllll of me loves allllll of you….In the past, I have played “the game” where you never fully let people in and you play games or keep them on their toes, you act less interested so you don’t feel vulnerable. I will never forget the day my very first love told me he needed a little space and we were hanging out too much…oh man, I was crushed. I felt so rejected, almost as if he was saying, “I love you, but not all of you. You bug me. I just love you sometimes.” That’s what it felt like to my teenage heart. I closed a piece of my heart off after that (subconsciously). I should have just left and realized we weren’t the ones for each other. If someone thinks your annoying, clingy or needs space-they aren’t the one for you! I guarantee it…guess what? When you’re married-you can’t be like, “Hey your clingy today, I’m going to stay at a hotel and get space!” haha, FIND SOMEONE who doesn’t need to get away from you…gosh that sounds so obvious, I wish I could tell my young heart that, I probably would have saved a lot of time. In other relationships, I was the one needing space or feeling suffocated so I knew they weren’t right for me either. I felt like if someone really see’s all of me, they won’t want me or if I saw all of them, I wouldn’t want it. Until I met Sean, I never felt fully loved by anyone until I met him. With Sean, I NEVER played games. He knew from day one that I wanted him and I knew he wanted me. We were both 100% in without hesitation. He never waited 3 days to call, we literally hung out every single day after our first date. When we weren’t together we were on the phone. We didn’t over think or play games, we just fit. I can be sensitive, silly, joke around, be serious, be dorky, be sexy, or be exhausted…it doesn’t matter, he wants all of me, even the bad parts! He can come home tired and stressed, or happy and funny, he can be sarcastic, inappropriate, rich, poor, hangry, or happy and I love him all the same. Even when I was depressed after my mom got sentenced to Prison for life, I wanted to take anti depressants and he said, “No, I don’t want to lose you. We will get through the emotions together. I don’t want you to be medicated and numb, I want you to be you.” Wow, that spoke volumes to my soul. (Nothing against meds, some people need them but I don’t have a chemical imbalance, I was just situationally depressed!) Ok, that was long but basically, when you don’t need space…when you actually want to spend all your time with them and they do too.
2. He brings out the best in me.
Ok this sounds horrible- but in the past when I would go out with boyfriends and drink- it would cause fights. We should be going out and having fun right? but instead it would cause some sort of a stupid fight or argument. This simply doesn’t happen with Sean. When we drink, we get wild and fun and have a blast, we never have arguments, if anything, it ignites even more passion and excitement. This one seems silly, but its huge. When you drink, your true feelings can come out so if you’re mad it enhances it, but if you’re happy it enhances that too! Plus, we talk about things as they happen so we never have hidden anger or hurts. Beyond just going out or having drinks…he brings out the best in me. He makes me want to be a better person, a better Christian, a better wife and mom, a better friend. He encourages me, he stands behind me. And I do the same for him. If your friends or family tell you that you have changed (and not in a good way) then run….big warning that they aren’t bringing out the best in you! this brings me to the next point
3. People saw what we were feeling.
It was obvious we were in love. Everyone liked being around us. My momma loved him (this was rare). His dad said, “she’s a keeper Sean, don’t let this one go” after the first time I met him. My friends loved him. No red flags. That’s a big deal. If the people that love you don’t love your partner…there’s a reason.
4. We wanted all the same things.
We wanted kids, I wanted to be a stay at home mom, he wanted a stay at home wife. We put God first and go to church. We want our kids to be raised the same way. We are both talkers and lovers. The first two weeks of dating we stayed up till 3 am talking about all the things we wanted in a spouse, in a marriage, in 10 years etc. It all fit. This is important. I’ve met people who have the same wants or ideas but the chemistry wasn’t there. When you have chemistry and you want the same things…oh gosh….the passion is unreal. Which brings me to my last point and my personal favorite point.
My gosh, Sean is hot. I mean he pulls me in. Sometimes when I hug him and smell his scent, I just melt. I’m like a little dog wagging my tail and panting. I think there’s a very primal sense in all of us. An animalistic characteristic that shouldn’t be over looked. You should look at your spouse and want to rip their clothes off. If you don’t, then maybe you are compatible friends and great together, but not lovers. I want passion, I want a lover. I want someone who makes me lick my lips with excitement. We’re going on 10 years and this hasn’t gone away, because it’s science. I put this point last because all of the above should be there before you can trust this one. If you have the chemistry and not all the other things- that’s a red flag. Chemistry won’t make your relationship great. But when you have a great relationship already, chemistry will rock your world. So make sure everything else is there first, then follow that chemistry to the alter and get married so you can let that chemistry run wild! And it will get wild.
These are the main things. This list could be a mile long but I picked the main things that stuck out to me. How did you know your spouse was the one? How did you know someone wasn’t the one? I am sure it’s a little different for everyone, but hey, I wanna hear about your love!