The Sentence That Changed the Way I Parent. Forever.

I really enjoy listening to different perspectives about parenting. Sometimes when I’m driving I will tune in to different podcasts about parenting. I usually don’t agree 100% with everything I hear, but I take away bits and pieces that resonate with me. Iv listened to podcasts that range from super strict parenting styles to very relaxed and liberal styles and everything in between. I like different aspects from both! If you have any podcasts that you love, tell me about them in the comments section please.

So one day, I’m in the car listening to an audiobook (The Conscious Parent, by Shefali Tsabury). She talks a lot about parenting with intention and seeing ourselves through our children, how they can be a mirror into our own soul. All the sudden a powerful thought came to me and my whole world changed in one second. “How would you feel if your spouse talked to you the way you talk to your child.” I paused the audiobook. I sat and let that thought sink in for a minute.
Ok this is big. This is mind blowing.

First of all, if Sean so much as raises his voice towards me-I cry. Almost immediately. I hate being yelled at, it crushes my spirit. And how often do I raise my voice towards my kids?

If Sean acts semi-irritated or annoyed with me, it hurts my feelings. I feel less important or like I’m bothersome and then I close off emotionally because it makes me feel misunderstood. And how often do I sound irritated when my kids are trying to get my attention? Yes, they can be very demanding of my attention at times, “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!” and I lose my cool but really, they just want me to acknowledge them.

Or what about when I talk to them like they’re babies! I would go nuts if my husband used a condescending voice when he explained things to me! “What! Do you think I’m an idiot!?” I’d say. And how often do I forget to speak to them with dignity as if they are capable of understanding.

And don’t get me started on phones… when I’m talking to my husband and he looks at his phone or texts someone or isn’t giving me eye contact, I get so sassy. And how often do I continue my task while my kid asks me something, or stay on my phone instead of getting down on my kids level and talking eye to eye?

I began to think about how I treat my spouse with respect and honor, yet I talk down to my kids. I don’t want to be like that. I never even thought about mindfully respecting them.  As a mom, I’m just trying to maintain sanity some days. Keeping them fed, bathed, and alive is the goal! Other days I focus more on rules or behavior but the real issue is; am I listening to their heart? Am I catering to their emotional needs and not just their physical needs?
When they feel respected, heard, important, listened to, and understood…they don’t act out as much! Duh, right? They are people just like me, only smaller. They look like me, they talk like me-why do I forget that they feel, like me, too!

Why do we look at our kids like they are dogs that need to be trained rather than people that need to be understood? It’s so easy to think our job is to tell them everything they need to do. And yes, we need to guide and direct them. But sometimes we just need to listen to their point of view too. We don’t have to give them full reign over everything, but we certainly can listen to what they feel and help guide them through it.

Since hearing this one sentence that changed my whole heart, I have worked so much on how I show respect to my kids. Sean and I are the “loves of their life” right now. We are showing them and teaching them what love is. The way in which we treat them now, shows them what’s acceptable. If we show them love, respect and dignity then they will give and expect that from their spouse one day. If I model good behavior and positive communication, they will take that into their own marriage. I don’t always get it right but I am so much more intentional now.

So let that sink in, “how would you feel if your spouse talked to you the way you talk to your child?”

 

****don’t forget to take the poll on my home page and then let me know what you want to read about next! Thanks in advance

By |2017-04-05T22:10:24+00:00March 23rd, 2017|Mommy|108 Comments

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108 Comments

  1. Anonymous March 23, 2017 at 1:55 pm - Reply

    4.5

  2. Anonymous March 23, 2017 at 4:20 pm - Reply

    5

  3. Anonymous March 23, 2017 at 10:11 pm - Reply

    1

  4. Anonymous March 23, 2017 at 10:11 pm - Reply

    2

  5. Nikki March 26, 2017 at 7:18 pm - Reply

    This is so true, more people need to think like this . Including myself.

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 1:01 pm - Reply

      Me too! We’re all a work in progress. I’m working towards being more like this

  6. Anonymous March 26, 2017 at 10:20 pm - Reply

    1.5

  7. Anonymous March 27, 2017 at 5:10 am - Reply

    3

  8. Anonymous March 27, 2017 at 5:10 am - Reply

    3.5

  9. CHantell March 27, 2017 at 1:04 pm - Reply

    Wow…. this is somewhat mind blowing but at the same time it isn’t. If that makes sense at all. I have 4 of my own and one is about to graduate from highschool. I have 2 in 3rd grade and my last is 2 1/2 yrs old. I do lots of yelling especially when it commes to homework or picking up after themselves. This sentence just many change many lives. THANK YOU

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 1:04 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for your comment! 4 kids..wow and so spread out! You go girl, I should be asking you for advice. I hear the high school years are a whole new ball game!!

  10. Emily R. March 27, 2017 at 1:49 pm - Reply

    What podcast is this from? I’d be interested to listen! Thank you for sharing such an important message.

    • seanwigand March 28, 2017 at 4:27 pm - Reply

      Hey Emily, I actually wrote it incorrectly, I was listening to an audio book, “The Conscious Parent” and that thought came to me. I highly recommend that book! But I do love a few podcasts; God Centered Mom, The Child Whisperer Show and Conscious Parenting). I usually search for a topic I am needing help with and find a random podcast that appeals to me. Thanks for reading my post!

      • Michelle March 29, 2017 at 2:48 pm - Reply

        Do you have a public Facebook by chance? I’d really like to follow you!

        • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:29 pm - Reply

          Thank you, I do! search Lishous and you can follow my page, I also have an instagram. You can click the little social media links at the bottom of the page and it should take you directly there!

      • Deanna March 30, 2017 at 6:57 am - Reply

        Who is it by?whi is author?

  11. Gaybor March 27, 2017 at 2:53 pm - Reply

    I love this! 🙌🏼

    Check out Janet Lsnsbury’s FB page. She promotes a whole parenting technique based on the premise of respecting your children. Sometimes her advice is VERY counter-intuitive because of the culture we’ve been raised in & our own parenting experiences.

    I wish I had read her stuff as a parent, but now I’m a grandparent & get to implement her advocated “style” with my very smart, strong-willed, capable almost-two years old granddaughter.

    I can’t even begin to tell you how AMAZING Lansbury’s techniques have worked with my granddaughter. It just really works in forming a deep bond in UNITY, especially dealing with behavioral issues, since I’ve been practicing since she was born.

    Of all the thousands of parenting things I’ve heard, read, seen, Lansbury’s parenting advice completely revolutionized the way I grandparent & the way my daughter parents.

    It’s truly radical in approach & effect on parent-child relationships!

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:18 pm - Reply

      I can’t wait to check out Janet, she sounds great! I love that you’re reading and implementing these skills with your granddaughter, it takes a villiage of intentional people to raise kids! Thank you for sharing about Janet Lansbury

      • KASSIE March 29, 2017 at 6:57 am - Reply

        I second Janet Lansbury, her podcast is “Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled”. I also love God Centered Mom. In addition I listen to Mom Struggling Well by Emily Thomas (very similar to God Centered Mom, not so much just about parenting).

        • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:37 pm - Reply

          I will look them up. I love Janet Lansbury now, listened to her today.

      • Melissa March 29, 2017 at 1:07 pm - Reply

        I loved this article. What a great reminder!!
        I also second the recommendation for Janet Lansbury. Her books, articles and especially the podcasts have completely changed the way I parent and view children. The whole approach is about respect, very similar to what you wrote about.

        • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:30 pm - Reply

          I listened to her podcast this morning because all of the buzz about her! She is amaaaaazing

  12. Anonymous March 27, 2017 at 6:54 pm - Reply

    0.5

  13. Missy March 27, 2017 at 7:33 pm - Reply

    Can I ask what podcast that was? Anyways trying to find new ones.

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:19 pm - Reply

      hey Missy, I actually wrote it incorrectly, I was listening to an audio book (The Conscious Parent), she has a podcast also.

  14. Anonymous March 27, 2017 at 9:12 pm - Reply

    4

  15. seanwigand March 27, 2017 at 9:35 pm - Reply

    5

  16. Shae March 27, 2017 at 11:41 pm - Reply

    So something that has changed both my husband and myselfs parenting ways was something I had read in an article similar to yours. Simply put… would you want your child’s spouse to talk to them as you talk to your spouse or how your spouse talk to you? My husband and I are are not terrible people by any means but we do banter back and forth and can be a bit snippy with each other, when it’s been a long day. We decided along time ago we were not going to fight or talk about our problems (relastionship, family, or work) infront of the kids, instead we would have informative conversations with them about life situations. It is life and it’s going to happen and we refuse to let them think that they life is all roses and butterflies but there is no reason to put our worries and stresses on them. Long story short this article has given me another incite full veiw that I am happily taken something away from!

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:21 pm - Reply

      That’s really good! I love that, because we do teach our kids what to expect in a relationship. That’s beautiful marriage advice. We do the same, we don’t argue but we will discuss things in front of the kids so they can see how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. It can be hard sometimes but it’s so much nicer for them! Thanks for reading my blog!

  17. Ayesha March 28, 2017 at 5:40 am - Reply

    WOW…I’m left speechless. Those words hit home. Thank you

  18. Jayne March 28, 2017 at 7:24 am - Reply

    Well it’s not a podcast but my parenting bible is “Bringing Up Bebe” by Pamela Druckerman. It’s better suited towards infants and toddlers but it’s really eye-opening in today’s world of helicopter parents.

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:22 pm - Reply

      I will check it out Jayne, I have toddlers so it sounds great!

  19. EmMy March 28, 2017 at 8:31 am - Reply

    Longest shortest time is my all time favorite parenting podcast! Would love to hear some of your favorites

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:24 pm - Reply

      Thanks! I will check that one out- so true, the longest shortest time! What a great name for a podcast. I like The Conscious Parent, Child Whisperer, and God Centered Woman the most

  20. Nicki March 28, 2017 at 10:27 am - Reply

    Its not your spouses job to teach you and raise you. They are your partner, not your parent. There’s no reason you should speak to your child the way you speak to your partner.

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:29 pm - Reply

      I totally see what you’re saying. It isn’t about TREATING them like your spouse as much as it is just showing the same amount of respect. Of course, we need to discipline, guide and sometimes be very firm, but doing it in a way that is still showing the child dignity. Each child is different, one of my kids needs gentle discipline, and one of my kids needs a more firm approach so it’s also about knowing your child. I do believe all discipline can be done with respect because it should be more about teaching them the right way to behave, than it is about shaming them or yelling at them. My kids tend to hear me much better when I’m not yelling! Thank you for your opinion and for reading my blog.

      • Heather March 29, 2017 at 12:42 pm - Reply

        I think this is a very important distinction.
        Respecting our kids is not the same as “treating them like an adult” or even “talking to them like an adult”.
        I find it very sad when adults do not think kids and teenagers deserve respect. How can we expect them to “show” respect if it isn’t shown to them?

        • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:31 pm - Reply

          Yes! I couldn’t agree more! Treating them as an adult vs. showing respect are two different things

    • JEANMARIE March 29, 2017 at 3:00 pm - Reply

      I couldn’t help but think this same thing. I think we should always be mindful of how and what we say to our children, but in the end, they are not our partner. We, as parents, need to find ways that best raise our children, not treat them like they’re adults before they’re ready. Sometimes that means raising your voice occasionally, sometimes that means pointing out the hard truth. Not because we don’t respect and love our child, but because it’s our responsibility to give them the guidance they’ll need for later on.

      • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:27 pm - Reply

        I’m not sure where it said to “treat our kids as adults”…the main point of this article is to remember to be respectful to them not to treat as a spouse. I definitely set healthy boundaries with my children and saying no firmly can still be done respectfully without yelling. Oh and trust me, I yell sometimes too. But I also notice, the less I yell and the more I just speak to them, the better they listen. I feel that I lose my power when I yell or lose it, but it doesn’t mean it never happens! We’re all just doing our best, I respect your comment and view.

      • Parenting allies May 7, 2017 at 3:40 pm - Reply

        I too got the treat them as adults vibe. I would not want to talk to my husband like I talk to my kids because he is not my child. Nor I his. If you mean to not be demeaning or intentionally hurtful, then I wholeheartedly agree.

    • Brandi March 29, 2017 at 8:53 pm - Reply

      Thats what i was thinking. Perhaps a happy middle would be appropriate but the way i speak to my husband and my child should be different if you ask me.

      • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:38 pm - Reply

        its just food for thought, not necessarily something meant for all situations. I think just being mindful of showing them respect is important. Along with discipline and guiding them. All too often we get caught up in always disciplining and forget to listen, that’s all.

    • CJ March 30, 2017 at 7:21 am - Reply

      I respect who my children are; but moreover, I respect who they can become if raised well. Children do not have the physical/chemical capacity to Interact like you interact with a spouse. Your analogy should not represent the stick by which your care is measured. Children are in training to become adults who can competently take care of themselves, and to be citizens who are honorable members of society. I am constantly in training to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, educator, etc. Being in training should not be compared to being a dog. Positive reinforcement is wonderful. Negative reinforcement also has its value. I wish we weren’t in the age of ‘never raise a voice, be your child’s friend, don’t discipline, etc…’. My children receive both positive and negative reinforcements. They receive my love at every turn. They receive my respect whenever they earn it. That is training them how to love and live.

      • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:38 pm - Reply

        its just food for thought, not necessarily something meant for all situations. I think just being mindful of showing them respect is important. Along with discipline and guiding them. All too often we get caught up in always disciplining and forget to listen, that’s all.

  21. Linnie March 28, 2017 at 10:56 am - Reply

    Wondering what podcast you were listening to?

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:30 pm - Reply

      I wrote it wrong, forgive me! It was an audio book- The Conscious Parent. The question came to me but was evoked from what she was speaking about. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it.

  22. Anonymous March 28, 2017 at 12:54 pm - Reply

    2.5

  23. Amber March 28, 2017 at 2:45 pm - Reply

    I know you asked for podcast recommendations (which I don’t have, but I would love to hear some of the ones you listen to!). However, I have two great book recommendations that go right along with this line of thinking. “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Farber and Elaine Mazlish (there is also one specifically for toddlers called “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” that is fabulous). Also “Peaceful Parent, Happy Child” by Laura Markham. These two books have empathy as their foundation and have been so helpful in parenting my willful little girls!

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:33 pm - Reply

      Thank you, those sound great, I am going to buy those this week! I love Positive Parenting Solutions as a class or website, I like Child Whisperer and The Conscious Parent (both are books and podcasts). There’s a great podcast names, God Centered Woman, that is wonderful too. Little girls are quite willful ahhaha which is why I love reading more and learning how to guide them to be strong women yet loving and obedient as well

  24. Jennifer March 28, 2017 at 4:34 pm - Reply

    We have 3 teens and a toddler. The teens this will be way more difficult with BUT I am going to try to remember this everyday! And hopefully I can even talk to them about what it means to respect one another. Because I have one that will take it as now I don’t have to do what is asked. Lol

    • Lishele Wigand March 28, 2017 at 9:39 pm - Reply

      I can only imagine! Teens can be tough I am sure, because I remember being a teen hahaha. I think anytime we treat someone with respect, and expect it back, they tend to get the message sooner. I remember when my mom would yell, my ears would turn off but if she leveled with me I listened more. I am sure I will get my payback for my teen years in about 8 more years when my kids enter the teen years!

  25. Carolyn March 28, 2017 at 5:55 pm - Reply

    This is very in line with Janet Lansbury, who has a website and podcasts all about respectful parenting.

    • seanwigand March 28, 2017 at 9:14 pm - Reply

      I am going to look her up, she sounds like someone I would love! Thank you

  26. Amy March 28, 2017 at 10:44 pm - Reply

    Crazy Wheaton for the non technology person…how do you listen to podcasts? Are they free or do you download them to your phone?

    • seanwigand March 31, 2017 at 4:29 pm - Reply

      If you have an iphone, theres a podcast app and you can download them in your itunes. That’s what I do and I listen when im driving!

  27. Mar March 28, 2017 at 10:53 pm - Reply

    So I have always tried to treat my children this way, so much so that I let them voice their options and make most choices. This is so good! however a small warning from a mom that used to parent this way 100%. I had to change a bit and realize that they are still children and aren’t mature enough to handle an equal relationship. Yes respect and be kind but also don’t let the role of being a parent escape you. Sometimes children need to be still and follow directions and not have their desires met. Needs always! but children are not ready for the responsibility of an adult relationship. We should treat them as God treats us. Love, respect, tenderness and intentional parenting. Otherwise they can become entitled very quickly. This is a wonderful article and it’s such a good reminder to truly listen to our children! 👍🏼 just my opinion 😊

    • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:40 pm - Reply

      thats a great point. This article was meant to be food for thought, not necessarily something meant for all situations. I think just being mindful of showing them respect is important. Along with discipline and guiding them. All too often we get caught up in always disciplining and forget to listen, that’s all. I agree with you

  28. Suzanne March 28, 2017 at 11:09 pm - Reply

    By far the best book on parenting is “Peaceful Parenting, Happy Kids” by Dr. Laura Markham. She hits the nail on the head with her three C’s: 1) Calm yourself (get your own emotions under control first); 2) Connect with your child (deeply and often); 3) Coach (then you can teach and coach, but only after you’re under control and your kid feels connected to you). As a parent and foster parent with all the professional training we have had to do over the years, Dr. Markham’s approach makes the most sense to me and is fairly easy to apply. Thanks for your post.

    • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:41 pm - Reply

      I will look into that! I like the calm, connect and coach. That’s so spot on! God bless you for fostering, such a beautiful thing you’re doing

  29. Mayu March 29, 2017 at 1:25 am - Reply

    Have you read ‘no bad kids’ by Janet Lansbury? Your aha moment is spot on with her approach; treating and guiding children with respect as a whole person, and it isn’t gentle/passive parenting. She has pod cast called ‘unruffled’ as well.

  30. CarAgh March 29, 2017 at 2:09 am - Reply

    Yes! My sons are 16 and 19 and I work with kindergartners and I agree so much with this. The way I think about it is that when I am around children, I am always modeling appropriate behavior. Therefore, I speak respectfully to them so that they learn how to speak respectfully to others. My sons are wonderful young men with wonderful manners and we have great relationships. I strongly believe that feeling respected and listened to (attentively) as they were growing up helped make them into confident, respectful young men. My husband and I are not too lenient, in fact, our standards are high! I also think relying on punishments and rewards too much is counterproductive.
    I also love the How To Talk so Children Will Listen… books are excellent.

  31. Allison March 29, 2017 at 2:10 am - Reply

    I’ve been reading about Love and Logic. Have you heard of that one? Any thoughts?

  32. Bryan Cordova March 29, 2017 at 2:27 am - Reply

    I already came into this thinking, “what could this possibly teach me that I don’t already know?” Then you hit me with that question… (Oh that weighty and profound question that hits you right inbetween the eyes!) and I immediately recognized my arrogance and wondered, am I acting this way toward my kids and brushing them off because I feel like I know what they’re going to say and or do? I get annoyed when people, especially family, brush me off in the same mannor, how could I do that to my kids? It might be a vicious cycle that I’m currently stuck in, but one I plan to break for my kids sake. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but a necessary one.

    Thank you. I really needed to read this.

    • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:44 pm - Reply

      I am so glad you felt that way! I was hoping that would be the response, I know it hit me the same way when I thought about it and started applying it. I’m not perfect but just being mindful of it has helped me and the kids a ton! I appreciate you reading my blog.

  33. Teresa March 29, 2017 at 4:28 am - Reply

    Well children are not your spouse. They are your responsibility. And you cannot always communicate with your children on the same level as you do an adult because they are children. So while I get where you were going with this, at the same time you also have to realize that at different stages of development you have to speak differently sometimes to get your point across. I am not my children’s friend. I am their mother, their protector and provider. Sometimes that requires me to be “mean” to them, from their perspective.

    • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:39 pm - Reply

      I agree with you. My kids call me “mean” often but I try my best to speak firmly and intentionally without yelling at them. You can establish your role as a parent and still be respectful.

  34. Anonymous March 29, 2017 at 6:33 am - Reply

    0

  35. Allyson March 29, 2017 at 7:42 am - Reply

    This is true, but what about having to remind them nicely 4 times to put on their shoes, before yelling PUT ON YOUR SHOES! I think there are certain parts of the day that yes, the kids need to be raised their voice at – they live in la la land half the day 🙂

    • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:37 pm - Reply

      haha I know what you mean. I have to speak firmly and sometimes I yell too, but I noticed that they listen best when I get down to their level and speak while looking into their eyes. You know when someone is talking to you and you’re watching TV so you don’t really hear them? That is how my 4 year old is all the time! Total lala land…but when I have him look at me, he listens much better

  36. BRITTANY S. March 29, 2017 at 8:27 am - Reply

    You sound emotionally unstable tbh. Crying and mentally breaking down whenever something goes slightly negative is put towards you. Your poor kids.

    • Eve March 29, 2017 at 11:14 pm - Reply

      Ever think it could be her husband? Try being supportive of other women.

      • Lishele Wigand March 30, 2017 at 12:06 am - Reply

        My husband and I are very respectful to one another. It was more of a hypothetical to get the point across. If he yelled at me the way I yell at the kids…. if he were on the phone ignoring me as I’m talking….
        it was more to get a point across about how I would feel. Hahaha I don’t sit around crying all day haha but that’s comment really had me laughing Brit!

  37. BJ March 29, 2017 at 2:10 pm - Reply

    I think this generation of kids NEEDS a different style of parenting than the way we were raised because of who they are & what they are here to do. Upwards of 80% of kids being born now are Indigo kids. My son is definitely one of them! Google it & check out some of the resources & websites from educators & parents on it, it’s very eye opening.

    • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:30 pm - Reply

      I will look into it! Thanks for the input

  38. Db March 29, 2017 at 5:29 pm - Reply

    I read all the comments. Hilarious how many times you had to clarify it was an audiobook not a podcast lol. I’m reading this right on time. Just came in the house feeling weary from all the questions I get asked from my 10 y/o daughter who is an only child and I a single parent. I get frustrated and just told myself to stop feeling guilty like I’m supposed to be a perfect perky parent all the time. There were some great recommendations in your comments section. I will definitely look into them.

    • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:23 pm - Reply

      I feel you, parenting can be so exhausting and perfection is impossible. We have to give ourselves grace! But I do believe in being as intentional as possible.

  39. Carrie March 29, 2017 at 7:49 pm - Reply

    Thanks for this beautiful perspective. Oh how I forget this many times. I love to listen to focus on the family podcasts. It’s an app you can download on your phone. They have some amazing ones on family and parenting that generate many different topics. I highly recommend!

    • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:20 pm - Reply

      I will check it out, thank you so much!

  40. Lisa March 29, 2017 at 9:12 pm - Reply

    Very true, thank you for speaking up about this. Please remember, however, that your children will expect to be treated in their adult lives and by their partners the way you and Sean show them that you two treat EACH OTHER, even more so than the way you treat them.

    • Lishele March 29, 2017 at 10:19 pm - Reply

      Yes! That is so very true!

  41. Eve March 29, 2017 at 11:08 pm - Reply

    Please don’t call yourself “sassy.” Women can have emotions and feel something and their emotions are valid. Men have deemed us as “sassy” and we use it to describe ourselves and our girls when they’re/we’re being assertive.

    Maybe your children will get married one day, maybe they won’t.

    This article has a great premise that we should treat our children the way we want to be treated. They aren’t dogs to be trained like you said, they are small people with feelings just like us. Thank you for the reminder.

    • Lishele Wigand March 30, 2017 at 12:03 am - Reply

      THank you. Good point on the sassy thing, never thought of it that way

  42. Alison campbell March 30, 2017 at 4:27 am - Reply

    I think what you are saying is wonderful food for thought but also remember that the reason your spouse doesn’t talk to you the way we talk to our children sometimes is because you don’t demand his attention, you don’t call his name over and over and you respect his time and wait if he is busy. Children are narcissistic developmentally and where they are the most important people on this earth to us, we must teach them that they are not the most important people to everyone. By not always allowing them to interrupt or receive attention when they demand it, we teach them security and patience and manners so they are respected and given a voice out in this world and in daycare and school. They also need to know that a raised voice doesn’t always mean anger, it may just mean urgency. We have to teach them all the cues so they are secure, strong and independent when they are not with us. As an educator, I often have children who do not understand that they are 1 of 20. What they have to say is always important to me but they are not the only one wanting to speak or have an answer or opinion. The result is a child who thinks his teacher doesn’t like him or hurt feelings when that could not be farther from the truth. So, certainly we should respect our children and be mindful of their feelings but if we want them to grow up to be a spouse / adult who listens and doesn’t disengage then we need to teach them that their own needs and wants are not always the most important ones.

    • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:46 pm - Reply

      I agree. Discipline and firmness is necessary too! This was meant to be food for thought, not necessarily something meant for all situations. I think just being mindful of showing them respect is important. Along with discipline and guiding them. All too often we get caught up in always disciplining and forget to listen, that’s all. Thanks for reading!

  43. Mel March 30, 2017 at 7:12 am - Reply

    This is so mind opening ! Thank you, everyone should read.

  44. Buzzkel March 30, 2017 at 8:32 am - Reply

    Really true. respect, kindness, being present- all wonderful. That said, babies and even toddlers need enunciated (exaggerated) syllables to tell them apart/learn them, sing song-y, soft coo-y, voices and lots of repetition. That is evidence from research with thousands of babies. Of course we would go nuts if our spouse talked that way! But spouses (usually!) have fully developed pre-frontal cortices… children don’t. They are not mini- adults. They are a qualitatively different organism and require attention to their developmental stage. But yes, being disrespectful of anyone, your kid, your spouse, or a stranger- is lame. 🙂

    • Lishele Wigand March 31, 2017 at 4:48 pm - Reply

      Oh yes, agreed! This was meant to be food for thought, not necessarily something meant for all situations. I think just being mindful of showing them respect is important. Along with discipline and guiding them. All too often we get caught up in always disciplining and forget to listen, that’s all. There’s a healthy balance of listening and guiding and discipline needed.

  45. Mandy March 30, 2017 at 11:20 am - Reply

    Your so correct thanks so much for your input i have been struggling with this since my divorce

    • seanwigand March 30, 2017 at 4:06 pm - Reply

      So glad you got liked it!

  46. Barbara April 1, 2017 at 12:39 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing this parenting insight. I’m a grandmother now, but this is exactly how I felt when raising my children. I would often get down on their level, their eye view, and take a minute to see the world from their prospective. I remember saying to my children, “Isn’t it so pretty outside today?” (as I was looking out of the back glass door). “The mountains are so green and beautiful.” My children didn’t seem to appreciate the beauty of this amazing scene before us. I squatted down and to see what they saw, which was a wooden railing blocking their view. They only saw the deck and the sky. So I got them stools to stand on to enlighten them.
    My father wrote a book, ‘Three Steps To Success In Parenting and In Life’. While I’m not necessarily promoting his book, he has a section on how to discipline with respect and you don’t get caught up in the emotion of it all. It was good to have a plan of action when discipline was necessary.

  47. Heather April 2, 2017 at 9:35 pm - Reply

    I am wrecked. I am speechless. In a very good way. Thank you for this. Just, thank you.

  48. Emilie April 16, 2017 at 7:10 am - Reply

    Unruffled by Janet Lansbury is a GREAT podcast that I highly recommend.

  49. URSULA April 19, 2017 at 2:22 pm - Reply

    Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I feel a bit guilty as sometimes my tone towards my daughter is not nice. I will remember this article going forward

    • Lishele Wigand April 30, 2017 at 9:51 am - Reply

      thank you! don’t feel guilty, we all do it! I think the key is to be more mindful when we can.

  50. Edwin April 20, 2017 at 8:55 am - Reply

    Disagree 100%, your children is still busy with there training and firm words and discipline is part of there life till they’re adults, they need love and reassurance aswell but your spouse is done with his or hers training(hopefully) no comparison

    • Lishele Wigand April 30, 2017 at 9:52 am - Reply

      firm words are respectful! I believe in discipline 100%. Yelling and being firm are so different in my opinion

  51. Alexis April 30, 2017 at 5:35 am - Reply

    Wow that’s definitely something to think about. I love podcasts too and my two favorite parenting podcasts are Power of Moms and Parenting in Real Life.

  52. Martag11 May 1, 2017 at 4:04 am - Reply

    Had this conversation at one point with my husband. But to make it hit home for him, I asked ‘Woukd you stay in a job where your boss treated you the way you treat the kids?’ It ended up really changing our perspective on how we parent. There’s is a point where you become an advisor as opposed to just telling them what to do. It’s a journey, isn’t it?

    • seanwigand May 12, 2017 at 6:46 pm - Reply

      That’s such a great way to apply it to your husband! It is such a journey, crazy and fun at the same time.

  53. Megan stafford July 25, 2017 at 5:14 am - Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing. My god my heart sank. It’s so true. I am just glad that I was able to read this so it co ukd wake me up now before it’s too late. 🙁

    • seanwigand July 28, 2017 at 8:45 pm - Reply

      It’s never too late mama! God bless you

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