Pregnancy is preparation for motherhood. God slowly prunes us and makes sure we’re fit to handle the giant task he’s about to hand us. In the first months of this pregnancy, I was so nauseous and soooo sick. God was reminding me to rest, to put the babies needs above my own, which is what I would continue doing for the rest of my life. In the past, when I would get sick, I would just keep going with my day or I’d “tough it out” but when I’m pregnant, I think “oh no, this baby needs me to slow down.” I need to slow down, take in the beauty of each day as it is, without a huge to do list hanging over me. Gods preparing me…
Then my body started changing, and my clothes stop fitting right, I had the “chub” but not the “bump” just yet, where I’m not big enough to wear maternity clothes but I’m too big for normal clothes. If I ran into an old friend, they might just think Iv put on some pounds because pregnancy isn’t obvious yet. In my mind, this is a very uncomfortable stage. Iv always struggled with body image so to feel bloated is not my fav and I have never enjoyed watching my scale go up uncontrollably. God is humbling me. Again, He’s reminding me that ITS NOT ALL ABOUT ME. Or my body. Or the way I look to others. He’s doing far greater things INSIDE of me than He is on the outside. On the inside, He is knitting a life together, yet on the outside it just looks like I’m eating too many hamburgers! How deceiving! How many moments with my kids have I been reminded of this? Daily, when everything looks like a mess in the house but my kids say, “mom I had the best day with you” such a reminder that the inside is what counts. Our hearts are more important than our house being clean. Our time is more important than our to-do list. Our love is more important than our looks.
Again, He’s preparing me….
In the second trimester, things start to feel good again, but it’s still uncomfortable. I’m not the pregnancy unicorn type. You know, the friend who has this gorgeous pregnancy glow and feels amazing the whole time she’s pregnant? That whole pregnancy glow, yah, for me, that was just sweat! I would like to note that this picture is spectacular thanks to my talented friend, Chelsea, who took this in Hawaii and somehow she magically made me feel beautiful. The gorgeous backdrop of a Hawaiian waterfall doesn’t hurt either! Or the coverup I wore to hide the cellulite! Everything about that day was incredible; the hike to the waterfall with friends, watching Brax scream “no!!!” while we tried to get him to jump in the water, but he finally conquered his fear and did it! Even the food that day was amazing (Veg Out is a new favorite place to eat).
There are a lot of good days during pregnancy. But the truth is, I get cramping after sex (this is the worst part of pregnancy for me!), I have weird food aversions, I’m exhausted from chasing my other kids, in one of my pregnancies I had sciatic pain, I get swollen and bloated, cellulite creeps in, along with the constant urge to pee. Oh and I have to wear a pad just incase I sneeze or cough, because a little pee comes out! You laugh bexcuse you know it’s true. It’s not a glamorous time for me. If you have easy and amazing pregnancies-I am so happy for you but please don’t rub in how amazing you feel because my hormones may cause me to smack you. It wasn’t me, it was the hormones…
Don’t get me wrong, pregnancy is so incredible, to think God is creating a life in my body and that this child goes from Gods hands to my body, and I am the channel God uses to bring this child to earth-what an honor. It’s a miracle, an absolute miracle. I’m blessed and honored to have this opportunity, especially after being told by 4 doctors that we couldn’t have kids! But like every story and miracle In the Bible, the end is beautiful but the process isn’t always pretty!
Then in the last trimester when the aches and pains begin to creep up. I can hardly sleep from either the acid reflux or the fact that I have 20lbs hanging from my belly, or maybe because I have to pee every few minutes. I get tired from small tasks and I have to lighten my schedule, not because I want to but because I can’t keep up. This ones a biggy-God is teaching me to trust Him because through all the pains and aches in life, He is preparing me for the greatest gift He will ever give me. He’s reminding me to press on, keep going, have faith because He knows His plans for me are great. He knows the ending. He wrote my book of life and He knows if I keep pushing through the pain-there’s a reward that I won’t even understand until I see it, feel it and experience it.
No one could prepare us for what motherhood does to us. Until we hold our baby in our arms and look into those perfect eyes, we won’t understand that kind of love, that connection. The laboring pain of minutes before is long gone and becomes a distant memory in a split second because we are wrapped in amazing love and adoration. No one can tell you of this love-u have to feel it to know it. Just ask a mom who first laid eyes on her adopted baby after years of waiting, or a mom who just gave birth, or a mom who IVF finally worked for, or a mom who just had a special needs child. This love is called motherhood.
I imagine heaven is the same. All the pains from our earthly lives will be so small the second we look into our saviors eyes and stand in His perfect presence. Nothing else will matter, we will truly experience perfect love. No explanation could do justice to the beauty of that moment, I’ll just have to be there to take it in.
Nothing can prepare us for what’s to come, but I’m seeing how God works in my heart in different seasons to remind me that it’s all about Him and not about me. It’s all about what He is doing INSIDE of me and not what the eye can see. True beauty is in our hearts and shines through…
photo credit: Chelsea Aaron (Instagram- chelsea.jean)
If you’re ever in Maui and need photos, she’s your girl